Life is Beautiful.
I'm in tears, as I write this. For some reason they came out now, but they are tears from months ago. I know most heart families know Paul Cardall, whether it is personally, or strictly through word of mouth or internet super highway.. But to say that this man has been
through a lot is an understatement. I realize that our situation isn't the same. But when I watched this video, it was like reliving this last summer. I watched how he made his room in the CSU his home. We actually stayed in 3086 during one of our visits. I recognized the staff,
I recognized the food, I could tell you how to get to each place in the hospital they filmed at. But it was oddly strange that though this was all so familiar, a part of me felt so sad and scared. I thought to myself "how could they do that? how are they living there at that hospital,
how is his wife and child handling seeing him with a tube down his throat unable to speak?" when I went through all these moments myself. I remember so many people asking me "how are you holding up? how are you managing? I don't know how you do it!" and at the time,
I really had no answer or explanation. I learned after Jack's first surgery that something comes over you, something that keeps you strong and helps you live through these painful and excruciating moments where you spend night after night in a hospital room on a couch.
You wake up at 4:30 each morning when the IV team comes in to wake your child and poke him with a needle to get labs in the morning. You listen to your child ask EVERY DAY if they can go home.
Writing all this now- I have no idea how I did it. It hurts me so much now to imagine Jack going through all of it. But I know now that I was strong for him, and I didn't fall apart or cry then, they way I am now. I can go downstairs and watch him play cars on the floor,
or chase the cat up the stairs, or lay on his pillow and know I get to put him in his own bed tonight, and let him wake up and have a fun day tomorrow.
Jack is so happy to be alive. I can say that because I watch him. He doesn't want to go to bed or sleep in. He wants to absorb as much of the day as he can and do as much as possible, BECAUSE he can.
My gratitude for the people at Primary Children's grows more and more each day. Especially when I am home, and comfortable and I watch video's like this one, where I see the same people I saw everyday when I was up there, STILL at it, and STILL doing the same thing to help others.
This is an amazing work, and these are amazing people. I am so grateful for my son, and the people that helped keep him here. And I am also grateful for Paul, who did such an accurate job portraying the life of a heart family.